Yoga. Opera. Cosmos & Sandwiches…OH MY!

Two Saturday’s ago I spent an afternoon learning that yoga, opera, cosmopolitans & sandwiches can co-exist harmoniously.

CHEERS and READ ON!

My BFF, Molly, invited me to join her for a 3 hour yoga workshop. I jumped at the chance to do some down dogs and cobras with her. Molly and I did a lot of partying together in our younger days (think glue sniffing, impersonations of Sid Vicious and other riotous behavior) but we never spent any time together on yoga mats. I had no doubt we would get our Giggle On during the work shop but I was not prepared to meet a drag queen yoga teacher who sang opera. I kid you not!

Priscilla Queen of the Desert

Molly and I entered the main line yoga studio filled with anticipation. Our female instructor met us at the door wearing a black yoga outfit, big green sparkly heart shaped earrings that resembled Christmas ornaments and theatrical eye make-up in similar shades of green and blue.

She was fit, very muscular and had long flowing black hair tied at the top of her head in the style of I Dream of Jeannie. For a minute, I thought she was a drag queen. She looked like a character from Priscilla Queen of the Desert but she didn’t have an Adam’s Apple. Her boobs looked like the real deal but I didn’t want to stare. [Note: I stared.]

Cosmos and Sandwiches

While wearing my Giggle On t-shirt (shameless plug) I mindfully placed my purple yoga mat next to Molly’s pink Hawaiian mat. *grrrr, I hate pink* We gathered up all the necessary props for class, bolsters, blocks, straps, a jug of chilled cosmos and a few sandwiches.

[Note: You never know when you might get hungry. Italians are always prepared.]

Since it had been 5 hours since I chowed down on breakfast (chocolate chip Cliff bar) I was dreaming about my next carbohydrate fix.

The studio space was warm and friendly. Wind chimes, statues of Ganesh & Shiva and a few photos of Jerry Garcia decorated the sacred space. I can’t picture Jerry Garcia doing yoga, at least, not without a bong, some LSD and guitar close by. I saw his photo and immediately wanted to eat Cherries Garcia ice cream.

Did I mention I came to class hungry?

Chaturanga sucks

As a new yoga teacher (I have the piece of paper proving it), I was confident I wouldn’t make an ass of myself but I also know my chaturanga pose was in need of serious help. Ok, my Chaturanga is horrible, you could even say “sucks” but hey, this is yoga – no judgment.

Note: Do not confuse chaturanga with chimichangas – the former is a pose, the latter is a Mexican enchillada type food.

For over two hours we worked the fundamentals of Vinyassa and some standing poses, like Warrior 1, 2 and 3. Priscilla, or Prissy as I call her now, was excellent. She explained the poses and helped with adjustments. The thing I liked best about her was her sense of humor. She was a yogini and a stand-up comic all-in-one. Great combination, just like chocolate and peanuts or turkey and cheese. I think yoga and laughter go hand-in-hand so I felt like I was at home. Molly and I were giggling throughout and making wisecracks to one another in true BFF style. I felt like I was a 13 year old trapped in a hungry 39 year old body.

Just breathe…Relax

As class came to an end (thankfully, I was ready to devour my sandwiches) we took time to practice a few restorative poses, namely, fish pose and corpse pose. Restorative poses bring us back to our breath and help calm our nervous system. We enter bliss – perhaps fall asleep and just chill for a while. Groovy baby. Groovy. I never did fish pose before but as the open-minded Pisces I am, I was ready to make my famous gill fish face. Little kids love watching me do this. I am doing it now. Can you see me? No? Ok, watch again! Go ahead, make the fish face! You know you want to join in.

So we enter the last pose, corpse pose or savasana. Yes, corpse pose is exactly what it sounds like. Lay flat on your back and play dead. Being horizontal right after a long class feels so damn good. Hell, there are lots of times being horizontal is good but we’ll save that sauciness for another blog.

Feel what in my vocal chords?

I heard Prissy fiddling with the CD player while we, the tired yogis and yoginis, settled into six-feet-under-pose. The room was peaceful. I lay on my mat with mixed emotions. I was blissed out, yes, but I was also distracted by the thought I would soon be able to eat my sandwiches. I hoped no one could hear my stomach gurgle and growl.

Soft classical music carried itself gently through the air. I heard Priscilla say, “see if you feel this in your vocal chords”.

Feel what Prissy? Vocal chords? WHY is she talking about vocal chords?

[Man, I am so hungry. Are we done yet?]

Singing Soprano

Before I knew what hit me, my drag queen yoga teacher with the Christmas ornament earrings opened her mouth and started singing soprano, you know, OPERA!

I kept my eyes closed, played dead and tried not to bust out laughing. I kept thinking “WTF” is she doing? Opera? Is this a joke? This is quiet resting time, not sing as loud as you can time!

Prissy’s classically trained soprano voice reverberated like a freight train throughout the studio.

Goodbye Restorative Bliss. Hello Agitated Confusion.

It was obvious she was a professionally trained opera singer but I failed to appreciate the full beauty of her voice because;

1) I was shocked that my drag queen look-a-like yoga teacher was singing soprano;
2) I wondered who else might be in shock that our drag queen look-a-like yoga teacher was singing opera;
3) I was holding myself back from gaffah’ing out loud;
4) I wondered: Does she unleash her voice during gyno appointments, sex or at funerals?

and finally…

5) I couldn’t stop thinking about eating my sandwiches.

As she inhaled her last breath and released her last note I sat up, opened my eyes, reached for my cosmos, grabbed my sandwiches and started to grog. F**k it. If she can sing, I can eat.

Mangia!