I started this fine Hump Day with a morning walk with Rosie, my Christacano (an Americano with mocha and two shots of espresso, or “expresso” for the grammatically challenged) and a positive attitude. Yay for me!
As the sounds of Digital Undergound’s “Humpty Dance” filled the morning air, my smile emerged fully and I began to dance in my seat, pump hands in the air (like a white girl) and sing:
I look funny but yo I’m makin’ money see, so yo world I hope you’re ready for me.
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump.
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump.
So here I am, groovin’, awake and ready to start my daily smack down with the day job. Woot!
I look at my cash flow statement, review the deposits, expenses and other projections. *yawn*
With confidence soaring, java coursing through my giggly veins and the Humpty song re-playing in the background I move to open Quick Books or QB as I call her. She is the holiest of holy grails for my business operation. I love her (and on many days, I hate her).
In a matter of seconds, my Humpty high started to waver. My girl QB was dishing out a serious Danger Will Robinson Alert.
Error Will Robinson. Error.
Alert. Alert. Alert.
The bitch wouldn’t open. Quick Books is on lock down. WTF?
“Girl”, I said to my Quick Books, “you need to give it up today”. With the voice of Niecy Nash from Clean House in my head, I admonished Miss Quickie Pants to “quit the foolishness and mayhem”. I only wish I had a purple flower in my hair like Miss Niecy when I said it. Niecy CRACKS me up and look how fabulicious she is in MY signature color! She’s rockin’ it, SOLID! *finger snap*
~you go girl~
In a microsecond of time, my internal message system was telling me: “You’re screwed.” “Oh no, not again.” And, “Please QuickBooks Jesus, don’t let me down today.”
I’ve dealt with numerous QB crashes, system rebuilds and upgrades. I’ve lost data and hours and hours of my life fixing QB errors. QuickBooks is sometimes Yin, sometimes Yang.
With an uncharacteristically eerie confidence (meaning: I didn’t start cursing or throwing things) I began to soothe the QB beast by singing to her in Digital Underground style:
Yo dawg. Why you makin’ me look stupid? You don’t open and I just can’t work it. What the hell? I’m not crazy and guess what, today I can’t be lazy. Just FIX IT. Work that shit out. Do your scan and shake the negative crap all out.
Singing the song was fun. It chilled me out but in all honestly, the singing didn’t do jack squat to fix the error. Typical. Singing doesn’t fix PC issues. Damn-it. *giggle*
I uploaded, downloaded, patched, re-started and waved my magic wand and low and behold my girl, Quickie, gave it up.
I’m back in the saddle again!
With Giggle Gratitude
THANK YOU QUICK BOOKS JESUS.
Thank you Digital Underground.
Thank ME for maintaining a sense of humor and not freaking out.
Next time I have a QB issue, I’m loading up and playing the Humpty Dance first thing. Word.
How could I possibly go wrong listening to:
Humpin’, funkin’, jumpin’,
jig around, shakin’ ya rump,
and when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I’m doin’ the Hump.