Don’t Bitch Slap My Funny

My beloved funny got smacked right out of my pretty head at the end of October. Bitch slapped nonetheless.

I HATE when that happens.

My Giggle said going…Going…G-O-N-E!

Suicide punched me square in the gut, AGAIN, and now I am left pondering the meaning of “Jim Suicide Squared” or should I refer to them as “The Two Jims” or keep it all separate like “Jim #1″ and “Jim #2″?

“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.” — Mitch Albom

Wake Up Laughing

An energy worker I know wrote to me and said, “Death is probably an illusion, so you and your Jim’s likely set this whole scenario up in the first place… You will wake up laughing at how you took the whole thing so seriously when you die.”

Maybe I’m wasting my time cursing like a longshoreman at the Two Jims. Why waste a good Sicilian rant or a screaming tirade on another tragic event?

Why ask why?

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive. — Bugs Bunny

Maybe I will wake up laughing about the whole thing someday. Maybe I should be more like Happy Buddha and just laugh now?

If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.— Marie Osmond

Now I have the choice to let this second death, that’s Jim #2, smack me down and wreck my groovy giggly mojo OR I can choose to create a new beginning for myself.

Press 1 for New Beginnings

I’ll take new beginnings for the block please Wink (that’s Wink Martindale from the game show Tic-Tac-Dough) and in the spirit of Wheel of Fortune, I’d also like to buy a vowel. I’ll take an “i” which stands for, “I” as in me, myself and I.

Maybe there isn’t some deep meaning in this second death. Maybe it is just an eerie tragic irony and not a karmic coincidence or anything bigger or more significant.

Fact is, or, “point being” as Jim #1 used to say, I can’t really help or inspire anyone. All I can really do is help myself – that is, focus on the “I” and everything else will (I hope) fall into place.

Just The Fact’s Ma’am

To attempt to make sense of the senseless, my logical & practical mind started to review the facts.

Fact #1:  I would not be alive without Jim Thompson (Jim #1) and my dog, Rosie

Fact #2: Giggle On would not have been created without Jim Sims (Jim #2)

Fact #3: There will not be a Jim #3 – EVER! If you want to befriend me and your name is Jim, I’m going to need a complete back-ground check and a mental health assessment. I am allergic to suicide and must protect myself – surely you all understand.

Fact #4: I cannot prevent suicide. Nope. Can’t do it. I cannot stop 1 million people a year from killing themselves. I cannot stop the 10 to 20 million attempted suicides each year. {1}

Fact #5: I am growing tired talking about mental illness, depression and suicide. I intentionally set out to help raise awareness but in all honesty this mission is sucking the energy right out of me.

Fact #6: I love making lists.

Fact #7: Laughter is our birthright. Everyone wants to laugh and seems pretty obvious I need to spend more time on the laughter part and less time on the crying my eyes out part.

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. — Kurt Vonnegut

Getting My Giggle Back

It’s one thing to get your Giggle On, it’s another thing to get it back. This past month has been a real be-otch for me. I fell victim to CGDS, Chronic Giggle Deficiency Syndrome but thankfully I am taking action to cure myself from this insidious joy killing disease. Enter stage left: Handerpants.

Thank You Handerpants

The commercial for Handerpants (a silly and ingenious must-have product) set me into a fits of belly rolling laughter.  I laughed until tears started to stream down my face and in all honesty, I nearly peed in my pants. I LOVE when that happens. Unbridled joy is manifest by peeing in your pants – I think I read that somewhere. *giggle*

One never knows what might tickle a broken funny bone so you must develop your own Humor Plan of Action!

Could Handerpants be the cure-all for CGDS? *eyes bugging out*

Thank you Handerpants. Thank you Archie McPhee!

P.S.  Santa, I’d love a pair of these for Christmas!

P.P.S. Thank you Archie McPhee for making me laugh. I just bought $190 worth of products from your online store and I can’t wait to get my Yodelling Pickle, the Nunzilla and those groovy bacon bandages.

Related posts:

Humor Plan of Action

Is it Depression or lost Mojo?

Don’t Let Worry Kill Your Giggle

Dear Christa: My giggle is out of order. Please help!

Last Wednesday morning I received an uplifting email from Jane Castle, Chair of the E-Racing the Blues walk with a special thanks to Kelli and I for leading Team Giggle On.

Kelli Karlton, Laurie McArthur, Mike Castle, Jane Castle & Christa Scalies, October 25, 2009, Wilmington, Delaware at the E-Racing the Blues Event

Kelli and I attended a team captains luncheon on November 13th and learned Team Giggle On had the most registered participants – 74 in all! We beat Jane Castle by one person! My work here is done *giggle*. Thank you!

Timing is Everything

In addition to her thanks, Jane also forwarded a list called “45 Lessons Life Taught Me“. I breezed through the e-mail quickly, marked it as “unread”, as I often to when I am busy, and planned to come back to it later that day.

When I finally sat down to read the 45 Lessons on Thursday, the day after I learned about the death of Jim Ed Sims, Jr. I was struck by the significance and timing of the message.

Shock and Awe

I wish I were a better wordsmith. Wish I could describe the feelings of shock and heart-wrenching confusion learning that the man who inspired the name “Giggle On” is now dead too. Another suicide. When I first heard the news I thought it was a sick joke. Just 3 days prior to his passing I helped lead a team to raise awareness about mental health and suicide. What cruel irony!

Messages to Comfort: Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

45 Lessons Life Taught Me was written by Regina Brett.  Thanks Jane…this list brought my confused self great comfort. I marked the lessons I liked most in bold. What lessons resonate with you?

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

No Coincidences: The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Several hours after receiving the 45 Lessons and several hours before learning the news of Jim #2’s death (Jim Sims) my neighbor dropped off a copy of the book, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. I thought it was a nice gesture, a little odd perhaps since I never spoke of spiritual matters with this man before, but I accepted the book and thanked him for dropping it off.

It wasn’t until late Thursday evening I thought about the timing of receiving the book. I cannot help but think Jim #2 (or even Jim #1 aka Jim Thompson) worked some magic behind the scenes to get this book to me in advance of hearing the news. There are no coincidences.

Reading the forward by the Dalai Lama Friday night provided me with spiritual comfort and inspiration. I intend on spending a lot of time with this book in the days and weeks to come.

“Naturally, most of us would like to die a peaceful death, but it is also clear that we cannot hope to die peacefully if our lives have been full of violence, or if our minds have mostly been agitated by emotions like anger, attachment or fear. So, if we wish to die well, we must learn how to live well: Hoping for a peaceful death, we must cultivate peace in our mind, and in our way of life.”

Living Well, Cultivating Peace & Giggling On…this is my message!

I want to end this post with a portion of How to Help Suicidal People written by in October 2008.  This is directed to survivors…specifically any of Jim Sims‘ friends but please note the Jim I refer to in the post is Jim Thompson from this day forward also known as Jim #1 (and no, I can’t believe I have to delineate the important men in my life like this – pinch me, am I really awake?).

Live well and laugh everyday

I am a very spiritual person.  I believe Jim’s spirit is alive and well. It is my belief that your friend or loved one is alive and well too, in spirit. They are probably looking over your shoulder right now as you read this.

They are whispering in your ear, speaking to your heart and saying, “I love you. Please forgive me for causing you pain. I am ok. Please live well and laugh everyday.”

Souls who passed by way of suicide do not want us to suffer for one more nanosecond about their death. Mark my words on that!

In my opinion, they want us live life to the fullest, laugh heartily and spread messages of hope to others. Giggle On!

Related Posts:

Suicide: Part 1 – Facts & Warning Signs

How to Help Suicidal People

Breaking My Psychic Medium Cherry

Remembering Them

Survivor Q & A: Annie DiMattia

Beer, Bong Hits and Candy Bars

25 Tips for Survivors of Suicide

Prepare for the Dark Side

Late last night I received an email with tragic news about the loss of another friend to suicide.

The news came with a copy of his suicide note, a well written 9 page letter which I am not at liberty to share.

This friend, ironically named “Jim”, was the one who inspired the name “Giggle On”. Not only is it tragic another man lost his life to suicide, the similarities to the loss of my friend Jim Thompson are chilling.

Jim Ed Sims, Jr. lost his battle with depression on October 28, 2009. He was 35 years old.

Below is the email I sent to his friends and family a few minutes ago. I share this with the world as a tribute to a man who supported me during an emotional time.

Jim Sims inspired me to be creative. He encouraged me to be the best Christa I can be. I will never forget you.

The Email

I am shocked and saddened by the news of Jim’s death.  I am so sorry for the heavy burden his friends, family and son must now bear.

I met Jim in 2007 through a mutual friend. Ironically Jim helped me process my emotions regarding my friend Jim Thompson’s suicide in 2005 (he was also 35 years old). The similarities in their stories are chilling, absolutely chilling.

I told Sims how losing Thompson to suicide changed my life. Sims listened to every word I said and responded thoughtfully and with compassion. At one point, I was on the brink of suicide but Thompson’s death actually saved me.

Sims and I talked at great length of depression, his relationship with the church, music, art, mosaics (one of his favorite pieces shown above), tile work, his love of Austin and devotion to his son. We also laughed, danced, fished, listened to live music (Jimmy Vaughan and Patrice Pike) and practiced the art of playfulness.

Jim introduced me to Texas style BBQ at the County Line, took me to experience the movies at the Alamo (drinking beer at a movie is brilliant by the way), drove me all over creation and showed me some of the greatest views and vistas in the city of Austin and the surrounding hills (photo below).

He also shared his love of writing, his talent as a songwriter, pianist and musician. Ah, what a beautiful singing voice he had!

For the Love of Rocks, Tiles and Glass

During one of my trips to Austin he took me on a adult field trip to his favorite warehouses – the place where all the lovely tiles come from.

I started collecting rocks as a child. Jim knew much I loved glass, rocks, tiles and mosaics.  We stopped at several of his regular tile places and he introduced me to his associates and buddies.   Everyone greeted him with a smile. Seems everyone knew and loved Jim Sims.

I will never forget walking through the aisles of granite counter-tops or gazing through the warehouses like a kid in a candy store at hundreds of varieties of glass. I felt like I died and went to rock heaven! I also had the chance to watch him at work and saw several of his completed jobs close up. This man was a true artisan. Austin is lucky to have a piece of his art left behind.

Jim Sims had a gleaming smile, a playful sense of humor and an infectious laugh. I will never forget him.

Jim Sims talked about how much he loved his sister and how much he appreciated the love and support she showed to him. He also loved his little man, his only son “N”. His face would illuminate when speaking of him – so much so it warmed my heart too.  I heard stories of playing, swimming, fishing and guitar hero. I also heard stories of sickness, hospital stays, fragile health and marital strife. I knew he spent a great deal of his life struggling. I had no idea suicide was a real option to him – no idea his life had deteriorated to this extent. I am saddened that suicide has claimed another life of a man I care about.

Embrace Creativity: Giggle On

Jim inspired me to “take time to embrace the creative process” (a direct quote I wrote down during a conversation with him a year and a half ago).

Jim Sims also introduced me to the phrase “Get your Giggle On” (apparently a common phrase in the Austin area). One night we were talking on the phone and he said he was headed out with his guy friends to get his giggle on. I laughed as soon as he said it (never heard a man use the word giggle like that before). The phrase struck a chord with me and I decided to adopt “Giggle On” as my own.

With Jim Sims’ creative encouragement and Jim Thompson as the inspiration, I created GiggleOn.com.  Thank you Jim Sims for believing in me. Thank you for igniting the creative process in my life, a process I thought was dead.

It is tragic and ironic that I created my site as a tribute to my friend Jim Thompson but without Jim Sims, this site would have never come to life.

Giggle On provided me a creative outlet to talk about my grief, educate people about depression, suicide and offer support to those who lost a loved one to suicide. In addition, I work to encourage people to incorporate laughter and playfulness into their lives to reduce stress, lessen the symptoms of depression and improve their overall health. I truly believe laughter heals (and so did he).

During my last trip to Austin I bought some rocks with the words “Smile” and “Laugh” imprinted on them and gave them to Jim Sims (see the photo). I left them in the rock bowl on his coffee table. I wonder if they are still there.

I also left Jim three blue tiles with a funky graphic design. He planned a mosaic project with his son. I wonder if they ever created that piece together. To his son, I am so sorry your father is gone.

I have resources at my site about depression, suicide and support information for those grieving. I understand the pain of losing someone to suicide. It is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life and I am so sorry you all have to experience it too. If you are interested in resources at my site, click here: http://www.giggleon.com/resources/

I was one of the ones Jim lost touch with these last 6-12 months…and after reading his suicide note, I now understand why.

Please accept my deepest condolences.

May God Bless Jim Sims. May God Bless all of you.

Rest in Peace, Jim.

March 23, 1974 – October 28, 2009

Christa Scalies from Wilmington, Delaware

(click to enlarge)

Footnote

The story of Jim Thompson led me to Jim Sims. Jim Sims coined the phrase “Giggle On”. Both men dead of suicide at the age of 35. How can this be?

What is the message here?

God, can you hear me?

Related posts:

One Life Lost, One Life Saved

Grieve, Give, Giggle

The Loss of two Jims (Svasti)

Reflections on World Suicide Prevention Day

25 Tips for Survivors of Suicide

Survivor Q & A: Erica Volkman

Remembering Them