Been a while since I walked down the hall of the Survivor Q & A series, that’s suicide survivor – someone who lost a loved one to suicide, not a person who tried to kill themselves.
As many of you know, in 2005 my good friend Jim Thompson died by suicide. His death rocked my world. The shock of his passing was a wake up call for me. In fact, his death actually saved my life! Last year another friend named Jim died by suicide, this man inspired the name of Giggle On.
Suicide changes lives…lives like mine…and lives like Dempsey Rice.
Meet Dempsey, Survivor & Filmmaker
Part 5 of the Suicide Q & A Series features Dempsey Rice. Dempsey lost her mother to depression and suicide but thankfully, the creative process helped her get her giggle back.
Giggle On® pledged to help Dempsey make the 10th Anniversary DVD of her award winning documentary film “Daughter of Suicide” a reality! I am honored Dempsey chose to share her story here at Giggle On. THANK YOU!
Please consider making a donation to Dempsey’s project. Reaching out to our fellow survivors to show them love and support is not just an honor, I feel it is my moral and spiritual duty. Survivors need to know they are not alone. Sharing our stories with each other helps us all heal. Many of us share the same path of healing: we grieve, we give back and then we can giggle again.
5 Questions
In this series I ask each survivor the same 5 questions about the suicide that affected their lives. Each story is unique: Annie, Jayla, Kelli & Erica.
Each story teaches us something new and yet all stories are bound by a common thread. Love.
Love is Forever
Each survivor talks about loss, rebirth and remembrance. Each story documents the love shared between two people.
(As time wears on, I see less death in these stories and more love – odd, isn’t it?)
Life ends. Things change but love never dies. We may cry. We may scream. We may yield to change but at the end of the day we all have the ability to tap into love. Love is always. It is forever. Perhaps it sounds silly to you, but to me, it just is. Love is always, all the time.
Survivor Q & A with Dempsey Rice
1. How was grieving the loss of your loved one by suicide different (if at all) from the loss of another loved one who did not die by suicide?
In August 1987, a week before I left for my freshman year at college, my best friend was hit and killed by a car. Two months later, in October 1987, my mother killed herself. I was 18 years old.
These are the only two sudden deaths I have ever experienced and they are really intertwined for me. That said, 23 years later I realize that it has been my mother’s death that has had the longer term and more intense impact on my life. The only other death I have experienced as an adult was that of my maternal Grandmother who died at the age of 99, many, many years after my mother. My Grandmother’s death was welcome in many ways — her life was long and very full and we all had time to say good bye. Grieving my mother’s death was a years long struggle with my own depression, my guilt, my fear and my feelings of abandonment that really closed in 2000 with the completion of my documentary film Daughter of Suicide.
2. In the aftermath of your loved one’s death, what 3 Things helped you learn to enjoy life and laugh again…aka getting your giggle back? (could be a person, movie, habit, book, yoga, blog, pastor, support group – anything).
There is really only one thing that helped me get my giggle back: the creative process.
But that process is multi-layered and full of so many actions, thoughts, discussions and feelings that it is really thousands of things all rolled up into one. The creative step I took as a filmmaker was to begin a documentary project called “Daughter of Suicide ” (that was to eventually air on HBO) in October of 1997 (almost ten years to the day after my mother’s death) about her life and death and about how we (her family and friends) survived it.
My initial thought was to make a documentary about the grassroots suicide prevention movement that was growing out of the survivor community. I thought I was doing just fine: I had survived a suicide and I might be able to help others. Looking back, I see how naïve I was – I was not “fine” ten years after my mother killed herself, I was a mess! But in that moment, I thought I was a pillar of strength; as a result, I started videotaping family members and friends while talking to them about my mom. A good friend volunteered to interview me for the project and suddenly I was making a film.
I interviewed my father and sister, my aunts and uncle, my grandmother, a cousin and my mom’s best friend. I talked and talked about my mom and I asked questions: Who was she? What was she like as a child? As a wife? As a young mother? As a friend? My father told me about her post-partum depression, my grandmother talked about her as a happy and precocious child, and her best friend told me how supportive and open she was as a friend. I heard over and over what a GOOD friend she was, what a GOOD wife she was, what a GOOD child she was… despite the darkness that she struggled with.
I began to understand what a wonderful woman my mother had been and started comparing the stories I was hearing with my own more recent memories of her depression and anger and eventual suicide. That last year of her life, and her eventual suicide, blotted out much of the happiness I felt as a child but suddenly I was learning something new. I was asking questions and actually getting answers about all of her ups and downs. Good memories were coming back and it felt like she was speaking to me through friends and family. I was finally in conversation with my mother! It was exciting and devastating — the loss of her hit me all over again and the load of her suicide grew heavier as I moved forward documenting her life.
Several times during the three years it took for me to make “Daughter of Suicide”, I thought about walking away from the project.
I lived my mother’s life and her death over and over again.
I was immersed in its depth and struggled for perspective. I continued attending support groups and participating in the survivor community which was very helpful, but it was individuals outside that community (my family, friends, the documentary film community…) who recognized the importance of what I was doing who helped me get the film done.
When DAUGHTER OF SUICIDE was released in early 2000 I was invited to be a guest on a few TV shows, I traveled to film festivals and it eventually premiered on HBO. My pain, my family’s pain, was out there for everyone to see and it felt surprisingly good! It was as if the making of the film released all of my demons. My load was suddenly lighter despite the fact that my mom was still dead, still a suicide. I’d stepped into her darkness and came out the other side brighter, happier and freer. I could GIGGLE again! I could laugh and smile and actually ENJOY living!
3. Did you feel guilt for laughing again and enjoying life after your loved one’s death? Meaning, did you feel you were not honoring their memory because you moved past intense grief?
Simply put, no. I suffered for just about thirteen years after my mother’s suicide — I carried around pain and fear and depression all of the time. I feel like I suffered enough! I continue to honor her memory as an artist, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend and as a mother myself but I do NOT feel bad about moving on with my life. I wish I had been able to much earlier than I did!
4. For those of you past the 12 month mark of a loved one’s suicide, what advice would you give to someone who has recently lost someone to suicide?
Everyone’s has their own time line and you should grieve as long as you need to. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be done with it. That said, give yourself permission to be happy, to giggle, to laugh, to enjoy brief moments of life, to look for the silver lining and to move on when you are ready! In addition, I encourage you to seek out other survivors of suicide on the web or at support groups. There is power and healing in group talk and in knowing that others UNDERSTAND your story.
5. What type of resources do you feel survivors of suicide need the most?
Survivors of suicide need to know that they are not alone, that what they are feeling is OK and that there is NO SHAME in losing someone to suicide. My film “Daughter of Suicide” was made to pull surviving out of the closet and to let survivors know that there are many of us and that feelings of anger, depression, frustration and fear are all OK.
Survivors also need to know that they will live THROUGH the experience, that they will not remain mired in grief and that is possible to THRIVE after suicide.
Christa’s Note for Survivors: My good friend Kelli Karlton started a page for survivors of suicide on Facebook called, From Surviving to Thriving. I encourage you to check it out. Kelli and I worked on the 1st Out of the Darkness Walk in Delaware, the E-Racing the Blues event last October and on a support group for survivors of suicide.
Well color me purple and call me Miss Gigglicious. Guess who got her first paid Laughter Yoga gig? Me, moi and myself.
Can I get a WOOT? Can I get a Sham-a-Lama Ding-Dong?
On Friday, March 5, 2010, I presented a workshop titled Reducing Work-Related Stress: The Healing Power of Laughter and co-presented Creating Dream Blueprints to a group of over 60 Delaware attorney’s at the 18th Annual Women and Law Retreat in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.
Before I dish about my experience, I want to take a moment to thank my friend Jayla for supporting my Giggle On message and suggesting my Less Stress: Laughter Yoga services to the Delaware State Bar. Jayla and I share a common bond as SOS’ers (survivors of suicide). Some of you may recall my interview with Jayla last year as part of my Q & A suicide survivor’s series. Thanks for believing in me Jay. Love you (but don’t touch me…ha ha ha).
Event Highlight
The highlight of the event was sharing my yodeling pickle with the group of esquir-inas and 2 esquires (ok, I did more than whip out my pickle, but I confess, the plastic green giggle generating device was involved).
[ Note: I am not paid to endorse the "pickle". It just happens to be my BFF prop of choice. ]
All hail the pickle!
Set an intention & Giggle On™
Aside from talking about stress and introducing Laughter Yoga, my intention for this presentation was simply to remind the group about the importance of playfulness.
It doesn’t matter if you laugh while watching a funny movie, fiddling with your pickle, goofing off with friends or playing with a puppy.
Smokey the Bear once said, “Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires.”
Christa the Giggler says, “Only YOU know how best to Giggle On™.”
There is little success where there is little laughter. — Andrew Carnegie
The Stress Bath
I take mental health VERY seriously and it was important to me to impart the following messages to the group:
According to Dan Lukasik, a trial lawyer who runs the website, Lawyers with Depression, “We really, as lawyers, are dunked into a bath of stress.”
Maxine Sushelsky, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, explains that lawyers, as a profession, are at a high risk for depression, suicide and substance abuse. The behaviors required for success in the law can be contrary to those that contribute to mental health, a sense of well-being and satisfying interpersonal relationships.
Chronic Stress and the body
The first part of my presentation focused on stress, what it looks like and how it manifests nastiness in our bodies.
All stress isn’t bad. Being a bit anxious, worried or on edge has survival value. If our ancestors didn’t have a strong flight-or-fight response we wouldn’t be here. Here’s the bigger problem. When we are stressed, our body releases a stress cocktail of hormones, like cortisol, and neuro-peptides that shut down or disrupt a number of important body systems not needed for fight or flight like our immune system, circulatory, digestive and sexual systems.
Today’s chronic stress environment places a serious load on our nervous systems and when our stress response stays activated or is repeatedly activated, disease is born.
When the stress cocktail of hormones reaches toxic levels in the body, it will manifest in the body in the following ways:
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything – even poverty – you can survive it. — Bill Cosby
Laughter, the best antidotes to stress
“Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.” – Lord Byron
The second part of my presentation focused on Laughter Yoga. I explained the origins of LY, benefits of laughter and spent 30 minutes teaching the group how to laugh without jokes or humor.
Laughter allows us to release stress and negativity.
When we cultivate laughter into our lives, we are more confident, more creative and much more relaxed.
Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an igniter of great expectations. — Norman Cousins
Laughing Lawyers
The group breathed a collective sigh of relief when I told them that they didn’t need to contort themselves into pretzels, chant in Sanskrit, smell burning incense or have a sense of humor to benefit from a laughter yoga practice. The only pre-requisite for Laughter Yoga is a willingness to laugh!
Since laughter and stress are physiological opposites, incorporating a daily laughter yoga practice (with or without a pickle, kazoo, clown nose or Whoopie Cushion) is a tax-free, fat-free and calorie-free way to improve mental and physical health!
I created a few ‘new’ Laughter Yoga exercises for the retreat and led my new students in: ‘Driving to the Court Laughter’, ‘You’ve Been Served Laughter’, ‘We Won the Case Laughter’ and ‘Appreciate a Colleague Laughter’.
Confession
I was SHOCKED to see every single person in the group participate.
I expected to see some wall flowers, or worse, people sitting down with arms crossed as if to say “I am not doing this craziness. This is silly”. But every person in the group clapped, chanted Ho Ho Ha Ha Ha and practiced the Laughter Yoga exercises I prepared for them.
Appreciation
One of the organizers of the event, Pam, sent us a lovely email after the retreat.
“I wanted to take a minute to reiterate my appreciation for a job well done. I heard many positive comments about the program and I personally feel that many people will be better off from having heard your message. By “you” I mean you Christa and Lani. It was a terrifically interesting program that was relavent for all the participants even the two gentlemen. I hope that you will have many more contacts from our group. If I can be of any help let me know. Good Luck.”
Post Script
This post was written on March 23. This would have been Jim Sims’ 36th birthday. Jim (the man who inspired the name Giggle On) lost his battle with depression last October. Mental illness and addiction are treatable. Both Jim Thompson and Jim Sims were in my thoughts during my Less Stress presentation.
Please help spread the laughter. Spread the joy. Spread smiles.
Anybody still out there? Bueller. Bueller. Anyone?
Giggle On Land
As many of you noticed, I’ve been underground for a while. I haven’t had much energy or desire to spend time in Giggle On Land. This is not because I’m depressed or worse, because I’ve stopped laughing.
I am perfectly content at present and thanks to my new props, Yodeling Pickle and Handerpants, I keep myself laughing all the time. Not to worry. The State of my Giggle is strong. How about you?
Have YOU been getting your Giggle On lately? Send me an email and let me know: christa at giggle on dot com.
House Deal and the Donuts
After months and months and months, I finally sold my home here in Wilmington, Delaware. It was an emotional and financial roller coaster ride but I am thankful to have a new sense of FREEDOM in my life and a couple bucks in my pocket. The house deal kept me plenty busy and I am THRILLED it is over. Where do I go next? Stay tuned.
My day business (yes, I have a real job) has kept me working many late nights. My attention is now focused on the financial security of my household, my business partner and our employees. We gotta keep making the donuts, right?
CONFESSION
Another main reason I’ve been away from here so long is in part because of Jim Sims (Jim #2).
I’m having a tough time facing the phrase “Giggle On”, introduced to me by Jim #2. He was the one who inspired me to embrace the creative process. Seeing “Giggle On” reminds me that he also lost his battle with depression and died by suicide.
Just this morning as I walked back from getting my morning cuppa joe, I saw a Delaware license plate that read : “__ Sims”…swear to gawd! I busted out in tears immediately.
I dedicated a lot of time last year support for survivors of suicide and to mental health advocacy. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to do so. I am proud of Team Giggle On and our participation in the E-Racing the Blues Event benefiting the Mental Health Association of Delaware. We raised money but more importantly, raised awareness about mental illness and suicide. We did great work but where do we go from here? Where do I go from here?
Is it all a bunch of hot air?
Perhaps I have helped all I can in regard to mental health and suicide awareness. Perhaps I’ve said all I need to say. Frankly, I do not know how much my words and my story help anymore. It all seems like a bunch of hot air at present.
I told Jim Sims my story. I told him about my struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. I told him about the intense pain and grief felt in the aftermath of Jim Thompson’s suicide. Telling him these stories didn’t help. Sharing didn’t prevent him from killing himself.
The sadness and regret linger after suicide. They linger for millions of us left behind wondering, “why?”
It is going to be a Giggle On Christmas for my family and friends this year thanks to my buddies at Archie McPhee.
Santa wasn’t immune from the recession (I hear he may be filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy) so the price-tag of the gifts wasn’t as big as last year. That’s ok because we plan to super-size smiles and laughs with items like:
Check out some of my cool Archie McPhee loot close up in my on-the-fly video complete with a Yodeling Pickle demo. I planned to give the singing plastic brined cucumber to my nephew but I simply love it tooooo much to give it up.
Yodel-ah-eh-hoo!
Merry Christmas to my Christian friends and Buon Natale to my Italian buddies. I’m a big fan of Jesus (what a cool dude) and want to wish him a very Happy Birthday! I still don’t know whether or not Jesus ate cake on his birthday but this year I hope he enjoys listening to me play the pickle in His honor!
May you all have a blessed Christmas filled with love and laughter!!!
Two days before my mack daddy team of positarians gathered to Giggle On for the E-Racing the Blues event I jacked out one of my favorite body parts at my local gym.
No, not my mouth…my ankle.
I love parts of my body that hold up other parts of my body. I’m funny like that. I’m a big fan of movement and ankles are pretty important if you like to walk, stand, skip, scamper or tap-dance.
I headed to my gym on October 23rd with two main goals:
1) get my sweat on
2) work out some pre-charity walk stress
Little did I know Spazzy Herpe Ball would try to rub out my giggle.
The Perpetrator
Here it is. Public Enemy # 1
This is the SpaZZZZ ball, Z-ball or as I have been known to call it, the Herpe Ball.
Yeah, herpe. You read that right. I said herpe.
At first glance this little ball seems harmless, even cute with it’s little happy bumps but don’t let this jaundiced piece of polyurethane fool you! This yellow devil is dangerous and as far as I’m concerned, it must be stopped before it harms anyone else.
What the hell is this Spazzy Z-Ball for?
The makers/sellers/pimps of this piece of equipment make some big claims about this product:
The ball is a “fun and challenging way to improve reaction time, hand-eye coordination and agility”.
[fun and challenging, yes but a major yadda, yadda, yaddato the second part]
“The z-ball is uniquely designed to pop, bounce and leap unpredictably in different directions”
[pop? That's right. That was the sound I heard when my ankle snapped out of place chasing the damn thing so you're right on the money there].
“The z-ball develops balance, bilateral movement, depth perception, hand-eye/foot-eye coordination, first step quickness, focus, peripheral awareness and tracking” Source (1)
[don't forget pain, swelling and bruising].
Fun and challenging?
Ok, it was fun AND challenging. You got me there. I find it fun to challenge my already sick, warped and twisted sense of humor. Any excuse to laugh and make up new words is welcomed!
When my trainer showed me the ball, I snorted, laughed and guffawed. LOUD.
Z-Ball looked like a magnified herpe cell. I’m just sayin’…
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a herpe cell in a microscope (but here’s a cool picture I nabbed just now from the net/don’t sue me) but if a normal healthy cell is round like a ball one would assume an abnormal cell would be bumpy, knarly and knotted like this. Right?
Per the the photo below, seems my non-medical humor intuition was right on track. I rock!
While I was cruising the net looking for photos of herpes (sounds fun, doesn’t it) I found PROOF POSITIVE that my instantaneous humor train-of-thought (some even say logic) was based in fact! Stuffed toy fact.
Introducing the Herpes Giant Microbes Plush Toy
Not only did I find a medical photo to prove herpes is all bumpy like the Z-Ball, I found a Herpes Giant Microbes Plush Toy. Ironic the toy is also in yellow. Ironic the toy looks very similar to the Z-Ball. I wonder what to make of that?
What’s up with evil things and yellow? ~ talk amongst yourselves ~
The sales pitch for the Herpes Giant Microbes Plush Toy goes like this:
There’s no cure for herpes, so once you get a hold of this little guy, you’ll never be able to let him go. Unlike his biological counterparts, this guy stays around all month long, rather than cycling through active and remission periods. Plus, they won’t leave you with painful, itchy and unsightly blisters.
Herpes, the disease, isn’t funny (just like suicide isn’t funny) but if we can’t laugh at what ails us (or injures us or makes us sad) we’d all go insane.
The sooner you can find the funny in your own crisis, the sooner you can experience the medicinal value and healing power of humor. – Michael Elizondo, Finding the Funny
Spazzy Herpe Ball tries to steal my giggle
It all started when my trainer, hereafter called Trainer Man, told me to stand on the opposite side of the fitness room and catch the herpe ball on the first bounce. Since Spazzy is unpredictable, one can’t predict where it will go.
I remember my response to my trainer was something like:
Bwa-HA-HA-HA! followed by YEAH RIGHT DOOD in classic California surfer lingo style.
Before the fateful day of my sprain I performed this exercise a half dozen times.
Step 1: Trainer Man would throw herpe ball.
Step 2: I’d chase after herpe ball like a rhinoceros trying to catch an invisible marble.
I won’t lie. It wasn’t a pretty site. I am quick witted not quick footed.
Murphy’s Law and the Jinxing
Every time Trainer Man would congratulate me for a great catch, I would fumble. Murphy’s Law. I begged him to stop giving me positive feedback because I was convinced he was jinxing me.
Jinxing is so third grade and ultimately not cool.
So Trainer Man closed his pie hole. I resumed sprinting as best I could with the short gams my short Italian parents gave me. Did I mention I’m short?
Jinx or no-jinx but on October 23, 2009, my otherwise happy and giggly right ankle turned in, popped and caused me to land on the hard wood floor in a thud louder than 10 sacks of potatoes being air dropped from 100 feet (ok, I don’t really know what that sounds like, but seems it would be really loud. I’m just sayin’…).
Needless to say, I cursed like a longshoreman as I was hitting the floor.
#@*%#@*% #@*% #@*% and argh!
Thoughts and curses raced through my skull…
How in the world would I lead my Giggle On Team 2 days from now in a charity walk with a fubar’ed ankle?
How would I skip rope, rally the troops and do the fa-la-la dance?
?????
Victory for Laughter!
With the help of my family, friends, a wheelchair (thanks Tony), clown nose, kazoo, jester hat and kazoo I crossed the finish line in a fit of laughter.
And no, that’s not a human herpe ball or herpe plush toy pushing me to victory.
So I say: Don’t Give Up! Giggle On!
Spazzy Herpe Ball may have slowed me down but he did NOT kill my giggle.
Giggle Score
Christa: 1
Spazzy Herpe Ball: 0, zilch, nada
6 weeks later
6 weeks after the SHB incident I’m still on the mend. I may never play with herpe ball again (no love lost for me) but I’m eager to get back to training and back into my normal fitness routine (and yes, that includes both my ankles).
It wasn’t “fun” or funny hurting myself but as Carol Burnett once said,
“Comedy is tragedy plus time.”
We all face struggles. I’d rather laugh than cry. How ’bout you?
For all ya’ll who waited patiently for photos of Team Giggle On, the wait is over. Enjoy!
For those of you who participated in the walk, run or made a donation, please accept my heart felt thanks. Team Giggle On had 74 participants and we were recognized for having the largest and most gigglicious team the MHA of Delaware has ever seen.
The MHA filmed a video of event and many members of Team Giggle On are on camera. I’m also interviewed at the 23 second mark talking about the benefits of exercise and laughter.
- the foundation for full blown fits of belly-aching laughter; laughter in an uncontrolled, silly or giddy way; to laugh repeatedly with short spasmodic sounds in a light manner.
Dedication
Giggle On is dedicated to my laughter loving friends Jim Thompson and Jim Sims. Until we meet again...
- the foundation for full blown fits of belly-aching laughter; laughter in an uncontrolled, silly or giddy way; to laugh repeatedly with short spasmodic sounds in a light manner.
