Giggle Is Out of Order

Ever found yourself unable to giggle? 

Have you ever felt hesitant or ashamed to ask for help? I have.

I recently received an email from subscriber “Sara” who shared some of her fears and personal feelings with me. In an effort to help others in a similar situations, I decided to share her email and my response. “Sara” is not her real name.

Dear Christa:

“My giggle is out of order. I really don’t feel like I can find it. Please help!”

There is so much going on right now and I am having trouble dealing with it. I have a very small support system but I really don’t think people care to hear about my problems. My son disowned me – he is tired of hearing about my problems but he doesn’t even know half the times that I have been really bad off.  So now I am hesitant to ask or go to anyone for help.

I do have a therapist that I see once a week and she does help. I visit my grand kids and they always bring a smile to my face but then there is the rest of the time.  I have found that everyone is so busy with their lives that they just don’t have time to think about what I might be dealing with.

Right now my dad is dying and I have to sell my house because of financial reasons. I am doing this on my own. It is pretty scary.

I keep thinking that it is going to get better but when you are alone this seems pretty impossible. Thanks for listening.”

Dear Sara:

“Don’t let your son stop you from reaching out to other people.”

Family is blood, yes, but honestly they can often be big pains in the butt and the most critical of us. You can’t choose family but You Can Choose Friends. That’s a good thing. We can choose to change our support system!

I am sorry to hear about your dad and having to sell your house.

Sometimes the change that scares us most is the kind of change we need most – the kind of change that helps us grow and transform ourselves in a positive way. I never would have thought my friend killing himself would turn out to be a blessing for me. We NEVER can predict the good stuff that comes from pain and from change.

Please Try This

1) Write down 17 things you are grateful for. Be VERY specific. If you want to share it with me, great, if not, post this list in a prominent spot in your house. Look at it every day.

2) Write down 23 things you wish to bring into your life. (if it is financial resources, write how much, a new house, describe it, see it in your mind and write it down). Look at it every day.

I completed the above exercise a few years ago when I was in a pit of muck, despair and sadness. Even though I know we cannot control all the bad things that happen, we can create new pathways to react and respond when life hit us hard.

It May Sound Trite, but…

When We focus

Granted, I am no therapist, no doctor, just a recovered depressed and suicidal chick.

NOTHING is impossible Sara

Keep telling yourself: Yes, I can! Yes, I will. Life is good.


Related posts:

Favorite things, relish in the good stuff

Giggle On Spotlight: Kathy

A Tale of Two Ovaries

Back in the Saddle Again, Overcoming Fear

Build Confidence, Act “As If”

When a Loss becomes a Gain

Disclaimer:  Christa Scalies is not a psychiatrist or a therapist. If you or your loved one is in immediate danger, call 911 immediately.

If you or someone you know is in a suicidal crisis, requires information about mental health resources or any other crisis situation, call the trained staff at  1-800-273-TALK (8255).


  1. I want to start off by saying that I feel for you what you’re going through with your Father and the loss of your home. Like you, Christa, and everyone else here, I have seen my share of hard times.

    I guess the thing that stuns me more is the lack of sensitivity (or just flat out callousness) shown by others…especially family. I guess the saying is true that you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family.

    Christa made some great suggestions; think of as many positive things in your life right now to keep you going. I know it’s hard,but trust me it’s well worth it! Billy Joel wrote and performed a song a few years ago(okay…over 25 years ago)called “You’re only Human (Second Wind)”. I’m going through a tough time in my life both personally and professionally. When I get scared and anxious I think of a line he sung in his song…”I survived all those long lonely days when it seemed I did not have a friend. All I needed was a little faith so I could catch my breath and face the world again”

    I guess what I am trying to say is hang in there.


  2. I lost my son 20 year old son, 4 years, 10 months and 11 days ago to suicide. I want you to know that NOTHING is so bad that you, I, we can’t hold on ONE more day and wait for the sun to come up – tell someone how we are feeling, take a walk, a bubble bath, read a children’s book (the velveteen rabbit is my favorite and other books take too much concentration for me to focus on) make a list of the 5 funniest things that have happened to you (and you know everyone has something funny that has happened to them); just do it -wake up one more day -give someone a chance to make your life better.

    A song that helps me is Rob Thomas – Little wonders:

    Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder.
    Don’t you know the hardest part is over.
    Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you, Let it shine, until you feel it all around you, and I don’t mind if it’s me you need to turn to We’ll get by, it’s the heart that really matters in the end.
    Stay safe. Wendy

  3. WOW! Oh, my! What wonderful support we all have here among this gang! I’m so touched to read everyone’s input.

    To Sara: I am sorry to read that you are having a very hard time. This is what has brought us all together, I think. But it’s a beautiful thing to see all of these strangers being so supportive of other strangers.

    Regarding your comment about being “Alone”, I felt this way for many, many years. It was so hard to come out of that muck and realize that I truly was NOT alone. I just thought I was. I had crazy, wonderful friends like Christa, all around me. They were just waiting for me to show up! (I was lost in my own despair).

    I have to tell you that some amazing miracles happened in my life, and I FINALLY showed up for the party, and there were some darned AWESOME friends waiting there for me to arrive. Glad I did, because I can now be here with all of you, and supporting you through this hard time.

    I agree with Kevin, in that we cannot pick our family…but we can pick how we respond to the people in our lives.

    DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOU. You have too much value to the world….YES, YOU!

    Everyone here is awesome. You’re doing the right thing to reach out. Take those baby steps to find your giggle again. I PROMISE YOU it is there – waiting for you to show up!

    Annies last blog post..MY Superhero at The Big Green Earth Store

  4. Dear Kevin, Wendy and Annie – I had a major meltdown with my site today and for some time, thought I lost everything. You may have tried to login to see this post, and all the others, and your comments…GONE!

    Thankfully your comments were still located in my Outlook in mail.

    Talk about a test of my own personal patience! My Giggle left the building for over two hours.

    So, the past responses to your wonderful comments have been eaten by the ether but I appreciate all your sentiments and help for Sara.

    After sending Sara my reply, I received a nice mail from her. This is what she said:

    Christa thanks for your help. I will definitely give these exercises a try. Your thoughts are very helpful. I am going to church and pray for happiness and good things in my life

    Note: Thank you to Suzanne at VAssistant Services for working with the hosting company to get my site back up and running. Without Suzanne, this site would not be alive. Thanks Suze!

  5. What wonderful advice – Know that all of this circle sends you only blessings and piece of mind. You are not alone and God is always with you as well as guides and angels.

    Allow yourself to just live in the moment and don’t worry about the future or the past. You can’t change the past and worrying about the future stops you from living well in the now.

    Much love to you and thanks to Christa who allows us to share with each other.

    • I wanted to share a post that my friend, Andrea Hess, wrote called Raise Your Expectations. In the post about manifesting intention she asks:

      What is the biggest, scariest vision that you could manifest for yourself?


      Andrea’s post fit in perfectly with the exercise I suggested to Sara which was “Write down 23 things you wish to bring into your life”.

      The idea here is simple: THINK BIG! Don’t dream a little dream. Dream a BIG dream. Raise your expectation for yourself and your life.

      Andrea states, and I agree…

      “We are the powerful, Divine Creators of our experience, after all!”

      YES, YES!

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