I’ve been a social worker/therapist for a while, and have learned some great things from my patients and colleagues–but I think perhaps one of the most important lessons I learned is the following:

Often, when I worked with pretty sick patients, they would complain to me that they were tired of their family and friends always givin’ em the old “Hey, stay positive–otherwise–the disease will get you, or come back…etc…” You get the idea.

Not that they didn’t understand that trying to keep a positive outlook can be helpful–but it is nigh-on (love that) impossible to do 24/7. And NOT feeling positive does not mean that you are “drawing cancer back to yourself”– that is magical thinking, which should be reserved for children and those hallucinating.

I was really hearing this a great deal, but didn’t quite know what to call it, when a colleague from Fox Chase Cancer Center called it “the tyranny of the positive attitude.” Oy! PERFECT!!!!!

Translation for here–you can’t always get your giggle on, and no one is expecting you to. Perhaps getting your Mona on (as in Lisa) is what you can muster. Fine. Or screw it–you are good and pissed, sad, numb, whatever… it is not permanent. That’s what we know for SURE about all things. Grief takes its own time. Do your best. Your friends and family are just scared. It’s ok. There is research that supports that even if you fake a smile, there will be a signal sent to your brain that says “Hey–I don’t know why–but we seem to be at least a little happy–release the seratonin!” And so you feel a little better, faking it to make it.

But if you don’t–it’s ok too. I believe in a good wallow–go ahead–wallow!!! Howl at the moon–punch things that won’t hurt or cost money– sulk, pop zits that aren’t even up yet–you know.

Just throw up a flare every now and then.

We can love one another even when none of us are feeling particularly positive.

I must go pee. Again.

Have a very very happy holiday and thank you thank you for telling me about Archie McPhee.
.-= susan´s last blog ..A Very Happy Holiday To All =-.