How I broke my cherry…

Let me tell you a story about how I broke my psychic medium cherry. No, it’s not a sex story, it is about my very first experience with a lady who communicates with spirits.

My first reading with “Liza”, the psychic medium, was two weeks after Jim died. I was beside myself with grief and guilt and probably more suicidal than I was a few days before his death (or at any time before in my life). To say I was vulnerable and fragile is an understatement. I haven’t mentioned this before but I was carrying a lot of guilt about his death. I had the opportunity to take the gun from Jim a few days before he killed himself. Obviously, I didn’t take the gun. That story is for another day.

Hocus Pocus

My friend Chris has a friend named Liza. Liza does dowsing work and speaks with spirits. Chris went to see her a few times back in 2004 and into 2005 and Liza brought in the spirit of Chris’ dead mother. I didn’t disbelieve that Liza could speak with spirits but I also didn’t completely believe it either. It all seemed like a bunch of silly hocus pocus hogwash to me. If Chris received comfort knowing his dead mom was ok, well, I was happy for him but I was understandably skeptical, ok, very skeptical.

You’re going to hell young man

I went to Catholic school (and am still recovering) and was taught our “spirit” or “soul” continues to live on after physical death but I had no firsthand knowledge of any of this being true. I never heard from a spirit, saw a ghost or anything remotely like that. I did always like Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoons – walking through walls and flying is so cool! In Catholic school we were taught when a person kills themselves they are doomed to hell, or purgatory, and basically the soul would be shit out of luck for eternity. I only called Liza because I was desperate to learn if Jim was ok.

Thankfully, Liza agreed to meet with me. I had no idea that my time with her would change the course of my life.

Chris drove me to Liza’s house and we got started with the session right away. Liza did not know anything about Jim’s passing. She never met Jim and frankly, she didn’t really know a great deal about me at the time. I did not ask any questions until the end of the session and Liza did not ask me any questions.

The session with the medium:

Authors notes added post-reading for clarification surrounded by stars **

Liza:    I feel high energy coming though. *Jim was a burst of energy when he was not in pain* This person is saying, “going, going, gone“.

Spirit:    I am in a happier place now. Happier mode than before.

Liza:     This person is young at heart, soul and body. *Jim was 35 years old when he died*

Spirit:    I am in complete love now.

Liza:    He had a problem with love and love was an issue. I feel he is young, died recently without a clue it was coming up. *All Jim ever wanted was to be unconditionally loved*

Spirit: I am not trying to alarm you, be it as it is. I had to go.

Liza:    I feel trouble from this person talking. Feels some type of mistrust coming through. *He had issues with trust with many women and some men* Feels he has been let out of jail. Feels like a release. Person crossed over recently. Young, between 20-40, a needless death. He is fine but in a little anxiety over what he has left behind.

Spirit: Remember me, I am the life.

Liza:    An energetic person, he was troubled but happy & the energy and life of the party but something was missing in his life – feel a hurt about him – not a natural death, not natural causes. He is happy, calm, sedated and blessed.

Spirit:    Hear me I tell you – sharing space together; fighting was the curse.

Liza:    Person has some strife in his life – was fighting or strife-something bothering him.

Spirit:    You know me, I don’t need to struggle anymore.

Liza:    He’s coming back for another life. See fighting and strife all over. Feels hurt around him. Not in pain but feels anxiety about a family member-a mother-who is really troubled by this.

Spirit:    No peace until you find it for yourself.

Liza:    Not seeing harm from somebody else. He’s fine but really troubled about what he left behind.

* and here’s the kicker part for me *

Spirit:    Don’t ever intimidate yourself Christa. Fight girl fight and never go down.

Sharpen your edges – I know you can. Don’t ever intimidate yourself.

You are fighting yourself Christa – don’t do it-it’s not a jail-let it go.

You are what you are and it is ok, don’t be afraid, just live, enjoy it for someone who can’t, I cop’t out.

*I balled when I heard this, especially since I had been thinking for so long life was a jail and I wanted to die*

You’re not a quitter – you have a lot to offer and you know it.

What get’s you stuck-just keep praying – I will help you – don’t ever let go or give in – life is replayed time and time again.

Don’t be angry just be blessed and try not to be stressed.

I am not the example. I had choices but if you wonder how I am; I am here and I am grand.

By this time I was shaking and crying my eyes out. The hair on my arms was standing on end. Liza asked me if I had any questions.

My question via Liza: Jim, Jim, Christa is feeling responsible. You have told us you copt out. Would Christa have had the opportunity to take the gun away?

Spirit:    I am and will be in your memory. I feel ashamed I am not around in body but am in soul. No matter what, I chose my path. I told you I feel…

Liza:    He’s ok; he probably would have done this in the future anyway.

Question:    How will I know he is around?

Liza:    Touching you in your heart – you will feel him in your heart.

Spirit:    Yesterday was hard for you and I know you felt me around. *this statement was later clarified to mean the day of his memorial service*

Question:    Who was the strife with?

Liza:    Within himself but he had a fight with someone.

Question:    Give a significant number that I would know that is associated with your job. *I was still looking for verification even at the end of the session*

Liza:    5 & 1. ***Jim worked for Iron Local 451***

End session

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I went into this session with Liza as a skeptic about the afterlife and afterlife communication and came out a 95% believer in being able to talk to those who have passed. Part of Jim’s message was directed to me and that section was the most poignant. I printed out the reading, memorized the section related to me, and hung up copies all over my house. That message became my mantra to live!

Jim and I shared things in common, especially our Dark Sides. We talked about things while he was alive and I kept talking to him after he passed. I begged him to show me a sign that he was ok. I begged for forgiveness. I prayed for help. Through the medium, he responded to my thoughts, questions and concerns. I was in awe about the response I got from Liza I can’t believe he was able to respond to the thoughts in my mind.

The whole experience was surreal. The session with Liza led me on a path of great discovery. I made it my mission to learn more about the afterlife, spirit communication and mediums.

When Jim died, I had a wake up call. When this session ended, I had a reason to live.

Life is Beautiful my friends, so beautiful.

To Jim:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it

e.e. cummings