I am the 4th kid of 5 in a big (figurative and literal) Italian family. There were so many kids underfoot my Mom would often forget our names. Who could blame her? 5 kids is a big clan!

In an effort to address the right child my Mom would start rolling off the e-n-t-i-r-e list of kid’s names, in birth order – one through five, hoping one of them might match the correct face.

If she were trying figure out my name she would call out something like this…….“Charles, Angelina, Anthony, Christa Ann (no one uses my middle name BUT my Mom so don’t even THINK about incorporating it when addressing moi) & Anne Marie!

As each name passed my Mom’s lips, her tone would get louder and louder, the frustration level in her voice would increase exponentially and sometimes her face would turn beet red. Timely and correct child identification was very important to my Mom.

In the midst of confusion and in the pit of her frustration she would sometimes let out a loud “Jesus H!” or the longer version including the saintly triad, “Jesus, Mary AND Joseph”. She might forget OUR names, but she’s never forgot to call out Joseph. Lucky bastard.

When she past the confusion mark and entered total Fluster-Land she would simply resort to calling us out by birth number. For example, if she couldn’t identify me by name she would just yell, “Number 4”! We all knew our birth order and frankly, no one seemed phased by being called by a number and not a name.  I think it made things easier for everyone.

I have no idea (nor will I ever) what is it like to be the mother of 5 kids. Even though the number system was born out of frustration, the creation of the name and numbering identification code of kids “One through Five”, was absolutely brilliant on my Mom’s part. Great work Mom!

Love,
#4